


Stay

by TeenageWolvesandFoxes19



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Aiden & Allison Argent, Alive Vernon Boyd & Erica Reyes, Derek Hale Has Panic Attacks, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mates, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Nogitsune, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Self-Harm, Stiles Has Nightmares, Stiles Has Panic Attacks, Stiles Stilinski Self-Harms, Werewolf Mates, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-06-20 00:06:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15521700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeenageWolvesandFoxes19/pseuds/TeenageWolvesandFoxes19
Summary: Trying to keep a strict uploading schedule. This is chapter two and I'll try and upload the next chapter in about four days. Please tell me what you guys think in the comments





	1. Chapter 1

In the days following the expulsion of the nogitsune, Stiles would wake, crying, sometimes having walked in his sleep. The nights when he woke up only to find himself outside his house, or in the woods, or even at the school were the worst nights for him. After all, he used to sleepwalk when the nogitsune was possessing him. He couldn’t help but think it was coming back. He had nearly killed Allison. As it was, she was only alive because her dad had gotten there so fast. Otherwise, she would almost certainly be dead. And so would Aiden if Derek and Ethan hadn’t gotten to him in time to take his pain enough for him to kick-start his healing.  
On some days it felt like the pack blamed him for all of the people the nogitsune – no... he – had killed. He knew they didn’t – at least, that’s what they told him.  
It was 3 am and he still couldn’t sleep. His thoughts were overwhelming him and he was just starting to wonder about tying one of his belts to the ceiling and around his neck, when he remembered the broken sharpener he had. If he could just get the blade out, then maybe he could control himself; stop the nogitsune from possessing him again. After all, as the werewolves say, pain makes you human. He didn’t know if it would work but he figured it was worth a shot. Quietly slipping into his bathroom, he found his razor and pulled out one of the spare blades.  
Sinking down till he was sitting on the floor, he stopped, transfixed by the shiny silver metal he held in his hand. Without thinking he rolled his sleeves up and slid it experimentally along his arm. The effect was immediate; the pain blossoming through the shallow cut gave him something different to think about and he could get revenge on himself for hurting Alison and almost killing Aiden.  
Now that Stiles knew what the pain would do for him, he quickly adjusted his grip on the razor blade and slashed it against his forearm repeatedly. When he was finished, he quickly stood up, washed off the blood and bound his arm firmly with a soft bandage. He pulled his long sleeves down and went to sleep. He almost slept okay, aside from a few nightmares. But they weren’t as bad as they usually were as if the cuts on his arm drained most of the bad from them.  
Waking up, he quickly had a shower, using strongly scented soaps to avoid the pack smelling blood. Then, he got dressed, wearing a long-sleeved red flannel shirt, covering that with a black hoodie.  
Not bothering with breakfast, he simply rushed out to the Jeep and headed off to school. It was gonna be a long day, he knew, but he knew it was going to be a lot worse when he got to school and jumped as his text tone for Derek rang out. Great, he thought. Now he would have to go to a pack meeting because that was the only reason Derek ever texted him. So he was surprised when he looked at the text and it read ‘Are you okay? Went by your place to tell you about the pack meeting that’s after school but you’d already left and I could smell blood’. Fuck, Stiles thought to himself. Quickly he typed his response: ‘I’m fine. I just had a bit of a nightmare and bit my lip and clawed myself’. Then, satisfied that his Alpha would have a good enough excuse to be smelling blood in Stiles’ room, he left the solitude of his Jeep for the cramped space of the school halls.  
By some miracle, Stiles managed to avoid Scott for the entirety of the school day and immediately rushed out to the Jeep when school ended. Driving home, Stiles started to wonder why Derek had come to see him to tell him about the pack meeting instead of just texting him. Crap! The pack meeting, which was after school, which everyone else would already be at because they, unlike him, weren’t forgetful idiots like he was. Growling under his breath he turned the car around to head to the reserve and the newly rebuilt Hale mansion.  
Even though he'd gotten to the pack house after everyone else, Derek seemed to be waiting for him on the porch when he arrived. Groaning internally, he left the safety of the Jeep slowly, hoping that Derek might turn around and go in. No such luck. “Scott told me you’ve been avoiding him at school,” Derek called to him. Great, thought Stiles. Now he’d have to explain that too. “Didn’t think Scott would care that much that the reason Allison nearly died was avoiding him,” Stiles shot back, shrugging. Derek’s sigh was his only response as Stiles walked up the steps.  
The pack meeting held no new threats of another supernatural threat so because it was a Friday, the meeting just dissolved into a pack night which, try as he might, Stiles couldn’t get out of. Resigning himself to the games that gave way to movies which fell into puppy piles as it wore into the night. Stiles was determined to get home before he had to stay overnight but as he walked out to his Jeep, Derek followed him. “Where’d you claw yourself?” Derek called as Stiles went to jump in his car. “Across my stomach. Nothing major so don’t fret Sourwolf,” he whispered back, in case the rest of the pack was still awake inside and listening to their conversation. “They’re all asleep,” Derek told him, a slight smile splitting his face at Stiles’ antics. “Why don’t you stay the night Stiles? There’s a bed across the hall from the den so they won’t squeeze you in their sleep.”  
Stiles was starting to wish that Derek hadn’t been there when Isaac, Erica and Boyd had gotten a little excited and had hugged Stiles really hard. It hadn’t been the hug that had set off his panic attack but the hug had been a little too tight and they’d accidentally touched his neck a couple of times, to which they’d apologised endlessly for because, even for them, touching their necks was a big no-no. But of course, Derek had been there and had growled the betas off of him a little too possessively, because of course Scott had told Derek about Stiles’ anxiety and panic attacks and so, of course, Derek had made sure that he would know what to do if Stiles had one while Derek was nearby. So, naturally, Derek knew that if the rest of the pack squeezed him too tight, he would panic. But Stiles didn’t want to kick Derek out of what was likely his bed because he knew Derek rarely joined the puppy piles.  
But by the time he had thought of his excuse, Derek was closing the distance and pulling him gently away from his car, telling him to lock it and half dragging, half carrying him back into the house. Stiles let Derek lead him when they got inside but, to his surprise, Derek lead him straight past the room with the bed and into a room Stiles had never noticed before. When he looked at Derek uncertainly as the older man closed the door, Derek quickly gave him an explanation. “The room’s soundproof.” Then he sat on the couch which was the only piece of furniture besides a simple wooden coffee table, gesturing at the other end as he did so. Stiles was quick to sit on the end as far away from Derek, just to make sure that the man wouldn’t smell any blood that might be lingering on him.


	2. Chapter 2

Stiles noticed that Derek was shifting around a lot like he was uncomfortable and his alpha being uncomfortable made him uncomfortable. Stiles made to stand up and quickly stated: “Dad’s expecting me home soon so I’d better go.” Derek looked over at him and said quietly “Am I making you uncomfortable Stiles? We both know the Sherriff won’t be home before the morning and he knows you’re here, safe with the pack.” When Stiles made no move to respond, Derek asked: “is this about your arm?” And Stiles started to panic.

When Stiles started panicking, Derek went crazy, trying to help him, to calm him down. He could hear how fast Stiles’ heart was going and Derek didn’t even want to think about how long it would be before the kid passed out. Stiles wasn’t responding to Derek’s soothing and breathing techniques so, acting on impulse, he grabbed the kid’s hand and placed it over his heart where Stiles would be able to feel Derek breathing and gently rubbed his hand back and forth across the younger man’s shoulder’s, trying to ease some of his tension. Derek wasn’t sure what helped Stiles but within minutes, the kid’s heartbeat was back to its usual fast rhythm and his breathing had slowed enough that Derek was content enough to move to take his hand off of the young man’s shoulders; Stiles, however, immediately grabbed at it as his pulse jumped. Derek, unsure what to do, simply let Stiles hold his hand while he settled a bit more from his panic attack. Eventually, he moved to sit beside to the kid and Stiles let go of his hand, stretching as he did so. “Stiles, I don’t want to send you into another panic,” at this point he held up his hand to assure the boy, “but, at some point, someone in the pack is going to work this out too. I want to try and help you with this. I’m guessing it has something to do with the nightmares and memories but you don’t have to worry about that right now, okay?” He told Stiles quietly. Slowly, Stiles nodded.   
As he went to open his mouth, Derek quickly butted in, saying “Not tonight, okay Stiles? Maybe tomorrow, but right now you need to get some sleep. I’ll watch over you and wake you if your heartbeat rises or you’re having a nightmare.” Feeling defeated, Stiles simply nodded and rose to open the door only for Derek to call him back as the Sourwolf flipped open a fold-out bed. The boy sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, then suddenly stiffened and, with an odd vulnerability that Derek had never seen on him before, muttered, “You’ll stay? Please?” Derek hadn’t been planning on going anywhere anyway but felt a compulsion to console his pack-member (because fuck yeah, Stiles was part of his pack). “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised, pulling up a seat a couple of metres from the bed.   
Stiles looked wary and pained but, when Derek went to put his hand on Stiles’ shoulder to draw the pain, the boy flinched away saying “no, no no no. Leave it. I don’t mind the pain. Promise me you won’t take it?” Derek hated that a member of his pack was in pain and hated it even worse that he couldn’t take it but he nodded solemnly at Stiles, assuring the boy he wouldn’t draw his pain. Stiles seemed content enough now to lay down to sleep, but Derek still heard him murmur “Just… Stay, okay? Please don’t leave me here alone.” 

Derek quickly checked the time on his phone: 2:15 in the morning. Groaning inwardly, he focused his hearing on Stiles’ breathing and heart rate, searching for the tell-tale signs of sleep, nightmares or if the boy was just pretending. He sighed a little with relief when the heart rate showed Stiles to be sleeping soundly, even if it were only for the time being. Derek had been feeling tired just watching the boy; every time he saw Stiles, the kid had been looking more and more tired, the dark spots under his eyes becoming more akin to bruises and he looked like he wasn’t eaten properly but then again he probably wasn’t, given the amount of research he had been doing lately. After the nogitsune, Stiles had become determined to learn everything he could about every supernatural/shapeshifter that this world had to offer, believing that, if they were better prepared, and he could a) atone for his mistakes but also b) ensure they were never caught off-guard with something they knew nothing about.  
Sometime later – maybe an hour, hour and a half – Stiles’ breathing started to become more laborious and his heartbeat skyrocketed. Derek leapt to his feet, almost tripping over himself in his haste to wake the boy. As he came back to consciousness, Stiles started screaming, making Derek glad that he’d put in a sound-proof panic room. Hesitantly, Derek put his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder and started up a comforting murmur, a constant stream of soothing words. Taking the boy’s other hand in his own, the Sourwolf placed Stiles’ hand on his own chest, above his steady heartbeat. As the kid’s heart rate began to calm and slow, Derek focused on making his words about Stiles’ breathing, calming him, trying to avoid another panic attack. He knew it wasn’t strictly necessary, but he wanted to do everything he could for the boy. He knew why he was so drawn to him, why he didn’t mind Stiles’ touching him, but Stiles didn’t and Stiles was different to Derek so who knew if he even had the same connection.  
Now that the boy had stopped screaming, Derek noticed Stiles was crying. Fuck. He asked Stiles quietly if he was okay if Derek gave him a hug and the boy responded by practically flinging himself into Derek’s arms, and resting his damp cheek on the older man’s shoulder. Derek tensed slightly, then forced himself to relax, because damn his natural reaction, this was Stiles and if he needed comforting, then Derek was all too willing to provide that comfort and stability. Slowly, Stiles seemed to come back to himself; his tears stopped and he shifted slightly away from Derek. Even though all of his instincts screamed against it, he let the younger man, shift away until Stiles was sitting on the edge of the bed. “Oh god, I’m so sorry Derek, I ruined your shirt,” the boy apologised, sounding on the verge of tears. Quickly, Derek assured him he didn’t mind and he didn’t need to beat himself up over it. Stiles looked like he was going to protest but closed his mouth instead.  
Checking the time on his phone, Derek asked Stiles if he wanted to help him organise breakfast for the rest of the pack. When Stiles nodded vigorously, Derek asked him if he wanted to do that now or go for a walk or run first. Stiles looked like he was going to protest until he thought about it and asked: “what time is it?” “4:30,” came Derek’s soft reply. “Did you get any sleep?” questioned Stiles. Derek shook his head but also muttered something about always sleeping during the day when it was pack night. The younger man shook his head in disbelief at Derek’s reply but also said something about how, if Derek had a spare jacket he could borrow somewhere, he’d go for a run with him.  
Smiling slightly, Derek opened a cupboard Stiles hadn’t seen earlier and pulled out a dark grey hoodie, which he tossed on top of Stiles. “C’mon,” he said, “I know a good trail for an early walk.” Stiles followed him obligingly, zipping up the hoodie around himself.  
The walk was good, not too long but it surprised Stiles when they ended up at the back of the pack house. He didn’t remember them turning enough to have made a full circle but decided not to argue when Derek opened the back door and gestured for him to follow him inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to keep a strict uploading schedule. This is chapter two and I'll try and upload the next chapter in about four days. Please tell me what you guys think in the comments


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the pack woke to the smell of bacon and eggs frying, toast cooking and fresh fruit with yogurt being put on the table. Scott seemed surprised to see Stiles still at the house and went to make a comment on it, but an alpha-eyed glare from Derek warded him off. Instead, he sat down to have some fruit and yogurt while Derek finished cooking the bacon and Stiles started pouring some sort of batter he’d made into another frypan. After a moment, he recognised the smell as he best friend’s famous pancakes.  
Once he’d finished cooking all the pancakes, Stiles turned to start washing the dishes, only to be picked up off his feet and placed on a seat in front of the table. “You need to eat too,” a gruff voice, which he recognised instantly as Derek’s, murmured into his ear. Stiles went to say something, but couldn’t think of anything that Derek would accept so he closed his mouth and grabbed a bit of yogurt, mixing in some fresh berries to add some flavour. Digging in his spoon, he glanced around to see what everyone else was doing. The betas had started doing the dishes, and Stiles almost got angry but maybe Derek had told them to do it. He didn’t nor could he remember, because when Derek had picked him up, Stiles had felt so safe and comfortable. The rest of the pack was nowhere to be seen except for Derek, leaning against the cooking island, watching Stiles. He quickly began to eat his food and, when he looked up, Derek had moved over to the kettle and was asking about coffee.  
After Derek took Stiles his coffee, the older man retreated to the soundproof room, having told the kid to meet him in there if he felt like talking or if he started panicking for any reason. The Sourwolf wasn’t confident that Stiles would come, so he kept the door open and his ears trained on the younger boy’s heartbeat, in case it became panicky. He was so stressed about making sure it kept the same rhythm and speed that he didn’t notice it getting louder until Stiles, leaning half in the doorway, coughed loudly, alerting Derek to his presence. Derek jumped; Stiles had scared him. Desperate to make sure it didn’t show he stood, shifting his shoulder to gesture towards the couch (now refolded). Stiles slid past him and sat on the couch, while Derek closed the door.   
Once they were both seated, Derek took a deep breath and said “You don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to. You don’t have to talk about it at all with me if you don’t want to. But, this place is designed for the pack to have a home, a place they can relax, trust, bond. That sort of stuff. It’s also designed in the hope that everyone in the pack can feel safe and looked after. If you don’t trust me with this stuff yet, that’s okay. But trust me, I get it. Laura did something similar after the fire.” Stiles looked pained at when Derek mentioned Laura, and the older man felt like maybe he’d said something wrong. “Would you tell me the story of what she did?” Stiles suddenly asked, hesitant, clearly terrified he’d be rejected because it was a personal thing. Derek just nodded and made Stiles promise to tell him to stop if it was triggering or anything like that. “Not long after the fire, Laura and I were staying at this little motel not far from the hospital. I woke up one night to the smell of wolfsbane and blood. I was terrified that Kate had found us again and was hurting my sister to hurt me. What I saw though was Laura with a wolfsbane-infused blade slicing into her wrist. There wasn’t enough wolfsbane to kill her and the cuts weren’t deep enough to anyway but, because she’d become alpha after our mother died in the fire, she felt she’d had something to do with her death. The cutting was all because of guilt, guilt that should’ve been mine. I sat up, asked her what she was doing. She muttered some poor excuse as I walked over to her. As soon as I put my hand on her shoulder she lost it. Started crying so hard, she couldn’t breathe. That’s where I learnt those things I used to help you through your panic attack. Anyway, I was rubbing my hand along her shoulders and my thumb slipped, hit her neck. It was an accident but I still touched her neck and she screamed. I thought she was going to kill me. Wolves – and sometimes non-supernatural members of a pack – are against their necks being touched. Generally, the only person who can touch their necks without them freaking out is their mate, which I definitely was not and she still had the blade in her hands. She lashed out with it. It hit me in the shoulder. I didn’t know what to do. When I finally got her to calm down, she was distraught that she’d hurt me. She kept cutting, but this time she would tell me when she needed to and I’d help her get someplace that she could do that in private. I’d help her look after them, and she’d rely on me to keep her calm afterwards. It became a regular occurrence but then one day I realised: she hadn’t done any for a couple of days. I didn’t mention, but she was starting to need it less. Starting to recover. It was the fifth year since after the fire when she told me she didn’t think she needed it anymore at all. We’d gotten through it together, supporting each other. Stiles, it’ll be hard for you to recover too but if you let me help you, maybe I can do the same thing I did for Laura.” Derek took a deep breath after he finished. He’d never told anyone the story, let alone about Laura lashing out at him.   
Slowly Stiles nodded and asked Derek “where do we start?” Derek started by explaining that they needed to find any and all of Stiles’ triggers and lessen the time he spent around them. He also needed to spend more time with the pack – staying at the pack house every Friday would be a good start – and Derek also made sure that Stiles knew he could come to the pack house if he needed Derek or he could call or text him. When Stiles asked if there was anything else they could do, Derek had to think about it for a while. “You won’t like this but talking to the rest of the pack, your dad and maybe Melissa or another professional is something else you could try. I’ve heard writing helps to express your emotions and taking care of plants is supposed to be therapeutic, especially if you feel responsible for deaths,” he said after a long while. Stiles was already shaking his head; he didn’t want the rest of the pack or his dad stressing over him and he hated talking to therapists. Melissa remained an option, but then Scott would find out.   
Derek didn’t want to push the boy any more than he absolutely had to so he decided to leave the point, for now, instead, asking Stiles if he wanted to talk about it and if he would like Derek to help him find his triggers. Stiles nodded vigorously, but then seemed to think about something and started to shake. Derek was reaching out to grab the younger man’s shoulder before he even thought about how Stiles might react. A couple of seconds later, Stiles was shifting slightly closer to Derek and he let the boy come to him. When he seemed settled again, the older man started questioning what had provoked Stiles’ reaction. The younger man mumbled something about not knowing anything about his triggers because he’d only cut once. Derek quickly assured him that that was a good thing.  
‘Derek's starting to look really tired,’ Stiles thought to himself. “Sourwolf, you’re looking really tired. We can keep talking about this later but you need a nap or something.” As Derek went to protest Stiles quickly added: “if you want, I can do the same thing you did for me. I can sit on the chair over there while you sleep. That way you’re not worrying over me.” Defeated, the older man quickly flipped out the bed and laid down, muttering towards Stiles to wake him in an hour.  
Derek didn’t know how long he’d been asleep for, but he awoke to a terrifyingly bloodcurdling scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the cliffhanger guys, but I had to leave it there. I'll get the next chapter up in a few days but, until then, please leave me some feedback in the comments or ideas for other fanfics I can write between chapters of 'Stay'. Hope you guys are enjoying it.


	4. Chapter 4

Startled, the werewolf leapt to his feet; he found the source of the screaming: Stiles. ‘He must’ve fallen asleep while I was sleeping,’ Derek thought, as he fell next to the boy and started shaking him gently as he pulled him into his arms. “Fuck it, Stiles, wake up!” Derek shouted. Something was wrong; he wasn’t waking. Derek howled; even though the other supernaturals in the pack wouldn’t hear it because of the sound-proofing, he knew that they would feel it. Isaac burst through the door first, followed quickly by Scott, the others just a few steps behind. Then they were all yelling at once trying to find out what was wrong and Derek broke. He couldn’t take it all and he screamed at them to shut up just shut up. “Stiles won’t wake up, he’s having a nightmare I can’t wake him something’s wrong,” Derek told them rapidly, his heart speeding up in panic. Isaac put his hand on Derek’s shoulder and said something to Scott that Derek didn’t hear.  
Next thing Derek knew, Stiles was being dragged out of his arms by Scott and Erica while Boyd and Scott held him back. The older man was nearly feral with his need to help Stiles and Isaac had to roar his name for him to snap out of his panic enough to hear “you’re having a panic attack Derek, and I need you to breathe with me, nice and steady” from Isaac. Isaac and Boyd started nuzzling into their alpha, hoping the pack scent would help. Slowly, Derek calmed and they all moved towards Scott, who hadn’t gotten anything to change with Stiles. “Scott, how did you reach Stiles, when you were in his head with the nogitsune?” Derek asked, thinking quickly. “I howled. Even though I’m only a beta, our brother-like connection and being pack-mates meant I could reach him I guess,” Scott replied, shrugging a bit. Slowly, Derek started nodding before dropping to his hands and knees and approaching the now silent Stiles. Lowering his head a bit, the wolf howled, howled to Stiles, calling him. With a final chillingly nightmarish scream, Stiles bolted upright crying and threw himself straight into Derek’s arms. Derek was terrified; he didn’t know what to do because he was still panicking himself but he gave in to Stiles’ need for comfort as the rest of the pack huddled closer and formed a sort of huddle around their alpha.   
Slowly, Stiles realised where he was. He was back in Derek’s arms and the rest of the pack was huddled around them. Stiles felt a chill of fear; had Derek told them? They seemed like they had fallen asleep surrounding the alpha and himself. He realised that he’d come back to himself because someone was sniffing like they’d been crying and he readjusted himself to look around when he felt something wet and warm drop onto his shoulder. He leaned back to see that, yep it was Derek that was crying quietly. But why? That was what Stiles wanted to know. He knew he’d accidentally fallen asleep while watching his Sourwolf but he wasn’t sure why they were like this. Unless… oh shit. The nightmare. Derek had witnessed it. Now what? He’d get kicked out the pack and – “Stiles,” Derek’s rough voice interrupted his suddenly panicked thoughts. “Yeah Sourwolf?” he replied, looking up at Derek’s face. “Whatever you’re thinking about, just stop okay? You’re safe now. We’re all here. All of the pack is going to help you as best they can. I spoke to Kira and Allison the other day and she offered to teach you some self-defence. Scott’s gonna be with you in all your lessons and sit with you during lunch. Lydia told me she’ll help you catch up and study. Malia… well, Malia’s still a little shaky with control but she said she wanted to be there for you. Isaac offered to talk with you and go to therapy with you so you don’t have to go alone and before you ask they only know about the nightmares and panic attacks. Which you are seriously going to have to teach me how to deal with panic attacks because man, do they suck.  
Also, Erica offered to watch Marvel with you any time and Boyd said if you ever just want to sit quietly with someone and not do much, he’s your guy. Ethan and Aiden said something about letting you use them as punching bags.”  
“What about you, Sourwolf?”  
“Well, Stiles, I believe my new role is looking after you and being your pillow from the looks of things,” Derek laughed.  
Stiles’ head had found its way onto Derek’s shoulder without him noticing and Stiles quickly sat up. “I don’t mind, Stiles. You can use me as a pillow if you want. The pack scent would help you too.” Stiles nodded and went to put his head back but suddenly remembered something and threw his head back up so fast, Derek nearly got hit in the nose. “What did you mean about me teaching you to deal with panic attacks Derek? What the hell happened?” Derek looked scared, and suddenly, Stiles wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He felt Derek start shaking and quickly asked: “not now?” Frantically, Derek nodded but he kept shaking. Stiles started talking, quickly.   
“Hey, hey Sourwolf – look at me. You need to look at me. Alright? You need to breathe. Give me your hand,” Stiles grabbed one and pressed it firmly over his heart, “okay, good. Now breathe in time with me. In. (2, 3, 4.) Out. (2, 3, 4.) Again. In. and out. Good, that’s good. Okay, nice and easy now. Keep your breathing steady.” Stiles tangled his fingers in the back of Derek’s shirt, hoping to provide some comfort.   
After several minutes, Derek’s breathing slowed and he started to relax. Stiles felt himself starting to relax too, and soon after was lying sprawled on the ground in front of the Sourwolf, with the rest of the pack still sleeping around them. Stiles decided it was safe enough and slowly drifted off to sleep.  
Derek sighed slightly when Stiles’ breathing indicated he had fallen asleep. Derek didn’t want to go to sleep in case Stiles needed him again but, at that moment, Isaac awoke and whispered, “Get some sleep, Derek, and I promise I’ll wake you if anything happens.” Still not entirely satisfied, Derek responded “even if his pulse goes up or his breathing goes different. You wake me even if it’s probably nothing.” Isaac nodded his understanding before urging the sleep-deprived alpha to get some sleep. Derek nodded and turned his head back to the boy laying in front of him, and nuzzled into Stiles’ back as he fell into a light sleep.  
When Derek had drifted off to sleep, Isaac quickly went to work. He was worried about Stiles, even more worried by the faint scent of blood. Inhaling slowly, Isaac tracked the blood smell. Straight to Stiles’ arm. The young beta went cold as he came to a realisation. Derek had only been asleep for a few minutes, but surely if Stiles had been hurting himself, the alpha would want to know. Hesitantly, Isaac reached out a gently shook Derek, not expecting the alpha to come rushing up as though the world was ending. “What is it? What’s happened?” the man rapidly asked. “Woah, Woah calm down Derek,” came Isaac’s reply. “Stiles’ arm smells of blood.” Derek went completely still and Isaac was worried about what he would do. “Don’t tell the others, Isaac,” his alpha commanded. Isaac didn’t understand until Derek explained it all. “We’d better get the blood scent off of him then, before the others smell it,” Isaac said when Derek finished his short explanation. The alpha begged Isaac not to tell the rest of the pack and Isaac promised the older man he wouldn’t say anything.  
Derek didn’t know how he was going to explain Isaac knowing to Stiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this is so bad guys. Also please leave comments. You don't need an account to do that so please.


	5. Chapter 5

Stiles jolted awake. Straight into Derek’s sleeping form. When had that happened? Somehow, Derek had sort of curled himself around Stiles while he’d been asleep. The boy had to admit, the action was adorable. Derek suddenly lifted his head and slowly blinked himself awake. “I texted your dad so he wouldn’t worry,” the werewolf told him quietly. “What day is it?” Stiles asked in response. Checking his phone quickly, Derek replied with: “well, technically it’s Sunday but it’s only two am so you tell me what day it is.” Laughing, Stiles slowly sat up, as did Derek. “Want a coffee?” asked the alpha. Shaking his head, Stiles shivered with cold. Startlingly, Derek shifted fractionally closer and held out his arms as though asking for a hug. Stiles cocked his head to the side before nodding with understanding. Shifting until he was close enough for Derek to wrap him in his arms, Stiles relaxed into the warmth of his alpha, the unnatural heat leeching some of the perpetual cold from him. Deciding to take a leap of faith, Stiles moved until he was sitting on Derek’s lap with his back pressed to the older man’s chest. He rested the back of his head on Derek’s shoulder and started to become overwhelmingly sleepy despite just having woken up. Giving in to the feeling of warmth, safety and sleep, the boy drifted off into sleep again.

Derek was hesitant to move in any way in case it disturbed the sleeping Stiles he had on his lap, but he was desperate for a caffeine hit. He needed a coffee so he could keep watching over his human pack mate. At that moment, Scott stirred from his light sleep and took in the scene in front of him. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he whispered “you need anything dude? ‘Cause no offence, but you really probably don’t want to move right now.” His face taking on a more concerned look, he gently added “Derek, your hand.” Derek glanced down and snatched his left hand away from where it had been resting. On the back of Stiles’ neck. Almost immediately, the boy started shifting restlessly. Painfully aware of how intently Scott was watching, he gingerly placed his hand back where it had been resting. Within a couple of minutes, the human was peaceful again and Scott’s eyes had gone so wide, Derek was afraid they might explode. “Hey Scott…” Derek began, “any chance of a coffee? I mean I get it if you want to look after Stiles instead and I’ll go make -”   
“No!” Scott’s answer came so adamantly, Derek almost flinched. “You’re keeping him calm and we’re going to have a chat about that later but, for now, just stay here and look after him. Oh and Derek? Just remember, even though I’m not an alpha and I don’t want to be one nor am I a killer, if you hurt Stiles. They’ll never find your body and I’ll have to tell Cora and Peter you disappeared again but I’m assuming you dead because my eyes changed, understand?” Slightly frightened, Derek nodded. “I get it, Scott. I’m not going to hurt him on purpose. Why do you think I haven’t told him?”   
Throwing Derek a look, Scott went to make them both a coffee.

As soon as Scott left the room, Derek glanced back down at the prone figure lying in his arms. His gaze migrated to where his hand still rested, lightly over the boy’s neck. He wanted to keep Stiles safe but he didn’t know how to do that without hurting him or, even worse, causing his mate to do something stupid and dangerous. Shifting slightly, Derek heard a slight change in Stiles’ breathing as the boy slowly woke up. Desperate to make sure the boy didn’t find out about it, the alpha quickly moved his hand down to the kid’s shoulder blades. Immediately, Stiles started shifting and muttered something about coffee. Hearing that, and knowing that Scott had left the door open, Derek quickly said: “You heard him, Scott. A coffee please.” Derek smirked at Scott’s snarky reply, but it quickly disappeared when, in his lap, Stiles whimpered. Shifting the boy’s head off of his shoulder, he gently glowed his eyes in a soothing gesture. The effect was instantaneous; Stiles settled and looked at his alpha. “What time is it?” he asked, glancing around. At the same moment, Scott came bursting back through the doorway and replied, “Eight.” The enthusiastic beta quickly helped Stiles to his feet and led him out to the table, leaving Derek to process what he knew and wander out to get his own coffee. Scott had made it but the alpha had to get it from the kitchen, so he kept an ear out, in case Scott had noticed something – even though he and Isaac had thoroughly washed Stiles’ arm of the blood smell – and he’d have to interrupt. 

For the second time that weekend, the pack awoke to the smells and sight of Stiles cooking them all breakfast before they had to head home. Isaac alternated between sleeping at Scott’s, who was like the curly-haired boy’s brother, and staying at the pack house with Derek, who had signed guardianship papers for his beta, had decided he was staying with Derek again tonight, which the alpha was worried about because he had wanted to check on Stiles, but he supposed that at least Isaac would help him with that. Erica and Boyd had to go back home to their parents, who believed the pair went ‘camping’ with some friends every weekend. Scott, of course, had to get back to his mom and check on her; with everything that had been happening, he’d gotten very protective of her. Lydia and Malia, although they hadn’t been at the pack night, were checking in on Allison and the twins again. All that meant that Stiles would probably be alone for a couple of hours which left Derek terrified of what might happen. Still, he couldn’t do much about it.   
After the whole pack – bar Stiles, Isaac and Derek – had left, Derek ashamedly explained what had happened and how Isaac had found out and he how sorry he was and he almost started crying but then Isaac had a hand on his shoulder and Stiles was stepping into his space, arms out for a hug, but letting Derek choose to walk into them before loosely wrapping them around the distressed wolf for maybe ten seconds before releasing him and shifting slightly back. At the same time, Stiles’ phone dinged with a text. “It’s from dad,” he told them swiftly, “he wants to know if I’m home for dinner.” Nodding, Derek bade him farewell with a promise to check on him later and a demand for a text or call if anything happened.   
“So…” Isaac started as soon as Stiles had driven off in his Jeep, “you mind telling me what’s going on?”   
“What do you want to know?” Derek murmured.   
“Well… what’s going on between you two for a start. But also why Stiles did what he did. And why the rest of the pack isn’t allowed to know. And why you had two panic attacks overnight. And the almost crying just before? And you let him hug you which, last I checked, hardly anyone can even touch you without getting thrown into a wall.”  
“I can’t answer the first one yet because I don’t know myself. But, from what Stiles told me, he cut himself in part because he felt he deserved the pain for all the chaos, misery, agony and desolation he caused and all the people who died when he was possessed because he was possessed. It was sheer luck that I even found out. He had a panic attack and almost blacked out. I got him to go to sleep for a bit but he wouldn’t let me take his pain -”  
“And you didn’t even try and take it while he slept?!” Isaac interrupted angrily.   
“I couldn’t. He would have noticed, and I need him to trust me if I’m going to help him. Anyway, I got him to go to sleep, but he didn’t get much before he started screaming for the first time. It took a while to calm him down. He was crying. I offered him a hug and he scrambled into my lap, possibly to get closer to his alpha. After he’d calmed right down, I took him for a walk; thought it’d be good for him to get out of the house for a bit. Then we came back and made you guys breakfast.”

“C’mon Isaac. Let’s go in. I’ll tell you everything I told Stiles. But you’re going to have to promise to help me look after him. Because Isaac?”  
“Yeah, Derek?”  
“I’m pretty sure he’s my- my-” Derek’s voice was breaking, as his heart threatened to shatter.  
“He’s your mate.” Isaac finished simply for him and Derek could only nod as his beta pulled him inside after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! It's my birthday in a couple of days so I might not be uploading for a couple of extra days than usual. If you have any ideas for future fanfics or anything that I should incorporate into this fic, please let me know. Once again, just to let you know, you don't need an account to comment so please let me know what you guys think of this. Thanks!!


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as he got home, Stiles went up to his room and grabbed the blade. He had no intention of using it; he wanted to get rid of it. He walked into the bathroom and went to drop it in the bin. At the last second, he decided against it. He remembered what Derek had told him about Laura, how she’d cut almost every night for several months. He didn’t want to do that, but he knew he might. Even now, the thought of the metal cutting through his skin was, terrifyingly, something he was craving. Breathing rapidly quickening, he scrambled for his phone and clicked on 3. He had Derek on auto-call and the phone only rang once before his Sourwolf answered.  
“Stiles? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”  
‘God,’ Stiles thought, ‘he sounds more stressed than I feel.’ “Yeah, I’m fine. Except not really. Sorry, Derek. Is there a possibility -?”  
“I’m already on my way. I’m bringing Isaac too though because I figure this could take a while and he can help too.”  
“Okay… okay just… just please hurry Derek. I’m so sorry.” With that, Stiles ended the call and scrambled out of the bathroom, leaving the blade in there.

‘Fuck,’ Derek thought to himself, driving as fast as he could, overwhelmed with the need to get to Stiles, to find out why he kept saying sorry. Isaac looked frightened, and it took the older wolf a moment to realise his emotions were affecting the beta.  
“He’ll be alright, Isaac,” Derek murmured reassuringly, despite the fact he wasn’t so sure.   
As soon as the alpha threw the Camaro into park, the pair jumped onto the roof and bolted inside Stiles’ room. Derek calmed slightly as soon as he realised there was no blood in the air, but his panic went back up when Stiles fell into him as he had stood up.   
“I’m so sorry, Sourwolf. I shouldn’t have panicked like that. I was going to get rid of it but I couldn’t and then I wanted to use it but-”. At this point, Stiles’ voice broke and Derek clutched him closer to his chest.  
“Isaac, I need you to get out my phone and dial the Sheriff’s number. Stiles, I need to talk to him quickly but Isaac here will keep holding you okay? It’s gonna be alright.”  
Isaac quickly handed him his phone and he moved out into the hall to call the Sherriff. All the adults in the know that had to do with the pack (the Sherriff, Mrs McCall, Deaton, Argent, Kira’s parents, Derek) had agreed on certain codes. Even Ethan and Aiden knew about them, in case they needed to tell someone. The idea of them was to tell others things without others in the vicinity knowing. As soon as Sheriff Stilinski answered the phone Derek began.  
“Sheriff, hi. Just calling to let you know Isaac and I are going to cook for Stiles tonight. We were thinking of having a movie night, is that all good?”  
The cooking was a code for ‘I don’t want them to be on their own right now, so I’m going to make sure they eat and stay with them’ and the movie night part meant ‘it’s serious, but I have to fill you in later because they need the support right now’.   
As soon as the Sheriff heard the codes, he responded in kind. “Of course. Stay as long as you need. I’m assuming Isaac is with you too?”  
“Of course. Couldn’t leave him out of the fun.” Derek knew what the next code would be.  
“I should probably make my rounds now; check in on everyone.”  
“Yeah, yeah, nah we’ll be fine. Just thought we’d let you know.”  
The Sheriff had basically said he was going to call the others, let them know and the wolf had replied with you don’t need to, we’re all good here. The two said goodbye and Derek walked back into Stiles’ room to see Isaac looking at him.  
“So… what’re we cooking?” the beta asked quietly.  
“Not sure yet,” Derek replied, pulling Stiles back into his arms, “what do you feel like Stiles?”  
The boy just shrugged his shoulders half-heartedly. Derek shifted his left arm to behind Stiles’ knees, his right arm curling around until his hand rested slightly on the boy’s chest and picked him up, carrying him downstairs to the kitchen. Isaac followed just behind them and gave Derek a look when the older man set the boy in his arms down on a chair. The alpha responded by raising his eyebrows in an irritated way.  
“Spaghetti’s easy to cook. I could cook that for you guys,” Stiles piped up suddenly.  
Turning to him with a look of utter astonishment and dismay, Derek just shook his head slowly, disbelievingly.   
“We’ll cook, Stiles. Or we could order pizza.”  
“Sure. Order pizza. Less dishes and you guys shouldn’t have to cook for me, you’re the guests.”  
“Well… technically we’re family but potato, potato,” Isaac murmured.

After they’d ordered pizza, they all sat down in the living room to choose a movie on Netflix. The two werewolves had silently agreed to let Stiles pick, even if it was a horror movie. To their astonishment, the boy settled on Lilo and Stitch. Isaac looked more relaxed after he realised that they wouldn’t be watching a horror, but Derek was curious about the choice. Stiles must’ve seen his curiosity because, when the older man glanced in the younger man’s direction for the fourth time in twelve seconds, the younger of the two spoke.  
“It’s a pack night of sorts. I mean, Isaac and I have school tomorrow but still. And this movie’s about family. I thought you both would like it. I know I do.” The boy spoke softly, as though he was ashamed.   
“It’s cool, Stiles,” the Sourwolf replied. “After all that we’ve lost, we need time to strengthen all our pack bonds. All of us.”  
Nodding, the boy shifted slightly towards Derek, only to recoil so suddenly he nearly fell off the other side of the couch. Isaac, who had been nuzzling his way under his alpha’s arm, was nearly knocked off the couch as Derek scrambled over to Stiles to check on him. He was shivering like crazy and, when Derek touched his arm, his skin was like ice.   
“Isaac, can you grab me a blanket? Please?”  
The beta hurried off quickly as Derek wrapped his arms gently around the shivering boy. Carefully, he picked Stiles up and sat down on the couch with the younger man resting on his lap. Isaac walked in with a few blankets at the same moment, saw what was happening and darted over to snuggle in with them both. Throwing the blankets over the three of them, the older man wrapped one arm around his beta and his other around Stiles’ stomach, who was still perched on his lap. After a few more minutes, Derek had to nudge Isaac and nicely ask him if he could go and get the pizza from the delivery guy and bring it back. When he returned, Stiles’ head had fallen back against Derek’s shoulder and his breathing had evened out into sleep. 

After the movie finished and the werewolves had eaten some pizza, they started to make a sleeping space on the carpeted floor. By the time they had finished, Stiles had begun to stir and shift anxiously, so Derek warily placed his hand across the boy’s shoulders, thumb rubbing in small circles on his neck. The werewolf didn’t want to move Stiles, but he knew it was the only way for him to have a half-decent sleep so, with Isaac’s help, they moved him onto the floor, tenderly laying him between them. Derek lay behind him, but not touching him, and Isaac took up residence in front of Stiles. It didn’t take long for the beta to fall asleep, but sleep couldn’t seem to find Derek. Eventually, more to soothe himself than anything else, he reached in front of him and wrapped an arm around Stiles’ waist, gingerly moving the boy towards himself, before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the late update and that they only ever seem to sleep but I promise we're getting there and it'll really start soon. Feel free to drop a comment and let me know if you like it. Also if I made an Instagram account and posted on there regularly, would you follow it? Let me know


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is a bit of a small one due to the fact that I've had writer's block and had a 'small' freak-out over it earlier. Also, this chapter will contain possibly triggering things so please read with caution if you are sensitive to such things. I will try to get the next few chapters written properly in the next week or so but if I don't post on time, I just need a bit extra time. Let me know if making an Instagram account would be ideal so that anyone (with or without an account) can follow, contact me and know when I've posted a new chapter.

Stiles awoke quickly from his nightmare. He felt weirdly calm and he didn’t understand why. Until he noticed an arm looped around his stomach and he looked over his shoulder at the sleeping man holding him. He sighed. He didn’t understand the weird connection he had with Derek. Sure, they had both experienced huge losses but that didn’t explain why he was looking after Stiles, or why he had an arm around his waist, or how the wolf had known everything even before he’d told him. Suddenly, for no obvious reason, Stiles had an abrupt violent need to self-harm. The urge was so quick and strong that the boy whimpered softly. Derek reacted almost instantly, waking and leaping into a defensive crouch as if something was attacking.  
“No. Der- just me. No danger. Just- Just need to cut. I’m sorry. I’m so sorr-.” Randomly, Stiles’ voice broke as he started crying. Isaac shivered and twitched, close to waking. 

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay. Stiles, it’s okay.” Derek murmured softly, pulling the younger man towards himself. “Where do you keep it?” he asked hesitantly. Stiles nodded in the direction of the stairs, muttering about his bathroom.  
“Why would you give me it though?” he asked, scared.  
Hesitating, Derek said: “because. Without the relapsing, there’s no healing. Laura took too long to heal her self. I’m hoping that, now I know better, I can fix you before you die too. I can’t fix myself so I guess I just feel like I need to protect this pack. Keep them safe. Keep you safe. Besides. If I’m here, I can make sure you don’t die by accident.”  
Stiles took a moment to understand what he’d been told. When Derek handed him his blade, Stiles took a breath and clasped his other hand around Derek’s, in a show of thanks. Then he asked Derek if he’d wait outside the bathroom for him. The older man complied, but after stating that he would check in on him in two minutes. Stiles nodded and waited for the door to close before he started. He repositioned his fingers on the small blade and pulled up his left sleeve and put it to his arm, pressing down hard before pulling it across. He watched in morbid fascination as the cut slowly filled with blood. Transfixed, he made another. And another. And another, until he had ten near-identical fresh cuts on his arm. Realising what he had done, he yelped, causing Derek to barrel inside the door frantically. Stiles started crying as the werewolf grabbed some tissues and soft bandages, along with some antiseptic wipes, from under the sink. 

Sitting down carefully next to the sobbing boy, Derek gently took the bloodied arm and rested it on top of his knees before wiping away most of the blood with the tissues. Swiping over the cuts with the antiseptic, he gauged how deep they were. The answer was: deeper than they should be but not fatally or dangerously so. Exhaling in relief, the wolf quickly wrapped Stiles’ arm firmly with the bandage and, on impulse, pulled the younger man into his arms in a hug. The boy reacted by tensing up slightly at first but gradually, he relaxed and wrapped his undamaged arm around Derek. His thumb hit the back of the werewolf’s neck, just slightly, and Stiles yelped and started apologising, while Derek kept telling him it was okay, and trying to pull the boy back into a hug.  
“Stiles. Stiles, it’s okay. Stiles, dammit, look at me. Just look at me. Look. I’m not freaking out, okay? You didn’t hurt me or scare me or anything else you’re imagining, okay? Look at me. I’m fine, see? Just calm down. You’re gonna be okay.”

Stiles started to calm down as he gently rocked himself back and forth, clutching his knees to his chest. Isaac chose that moment to walk into the bathroom, whining as the smell of blood hit his nose.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about this being as late as it is and I really don't have a good excuse. After this, the way the chapters are written is going to change so be prepared for that. I hope you all are enjoying this and again, I'm sorry for not putting this up sooner.

Isaac looked at Derek and felt his anger rising with the older werewolf as he realised that Derek had done nothing to stop Stiles from doing this. The alpha, who was supposed to protect everyone, had let Stiles not only hurt himself, but had stood there while he’d done it to himself. The beta knew he had to control his temper for now, while his friend was still clutching at his knees like a lifeline, but he would give his alpha a piece of his mind later. Crouching down so he was level with Stiles, Isaac held out his arms for a hug. The boy must have felt the beta’s discomfort, because, almost instantly, he surged forwards to wrap the young werewolf in a crushing hug. Over Stiles’ shoulder, Isaac bared his fangs slightly at Derek, a silent warning for his rising rage. 

Stiles shuddered as he felt Isaac’s rage through the claws that had extended when the beta had bared his fangs at Derek. Isaac responded quickly to the teen’s shudders, leaning away slightly to look at him better even as his fangs and claws disappeared, looking at his friend’s face and seeing the worry and stress etched into it.  
“Isaac, it wasn’t his fault. Don’t be angry with him; he couldn’t have stopped it if he tried. Isaac!” Stiles cried. The beta looked at him properly and saw that his friend was desperate to make him see.  
“He could have tried, Stiles.”  
“I told him not to, Isaac. You don’t understand it. Just… Just don’t say anything to anyone yet, okay? Please Isaac.” Stiles pleaded. The other boy looked ready to protest, but slowly nodded.   
“But Derek,” the beta called, “if he dies, I’ll tell the whole pack that you let him.”  
Derek looked terrified, but Isaac was confident that the alpha wouldn’t let any of his pack die. He headed downstairs to cook them some breakfast, leaving the two alone. He was angry that Derek had let this happen to his mate, even if Stiles didn’t know. Isaac would never let this happen to his mate. Not that his mate knew that they were mates either.

“Isaac’s cooking some breakfast,” Derek murmured quietly as Stiles uncurled from the ball he’d returned to after Isaac had stopped hugging him. The human nodded stiffly and the werewolf whimpered almost silently as he realised Stiles was angry. The boy turned to him quickly, reaching out in a comforting way.   
“What’s wrong, Derek?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Don’t bullshit me.”  
“You’re angry with me.”  
“No. I’m angry with Isaac for not understanding. I’m not angry at you, Derek.” He said before wrapping the alpha in a hug. “We’d better go down before he burns something,” Stiles laughed. Leading the way downstairs, he inevitably tripped, Derek’s arm shooting out to stop him from tumbling down them. Smiling his thanks, he hurried the rest of the way down the staircase. 

After they’d had breakfast, Derek and Stiles washed the dishes, insisting that Isaac deserved a break after cooking breakfast. After they’d put away the last plate, the alpha excused himself to make a phone call. He muttered at Isaac to not listen in or tell Stiles who he was talking to before dialling the Sheriff’s number.


	9. Chapter 9

I'm really sorry about doing this to everyone who might be still invested in this fanfic but my life's been really hectic lately and I haven't managed to write a chapter. I'm not going to abandon this fic but I am going to take a hiatus (temporary break) to try and get some more chapters written. Again, I'm really sorry for doing this to you all but I hope you can understand.

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfic. Please tell me what you think and remember that this is unbeta'd


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